Napoleon Bone-Apart: A Special Dog, a Breed Apart

Please allow you to introduce my special dog to you.  Actually I have three dogs, a Beagle, a Shepard (of some type), and a Great Pyrenees, my very special dog.

I ran across Napoleon in the Animal Shelter.  He cost me an arm and a leg.  I could not bear to think of him being shot (or whatever they do to get rid of dogs there).  With my wife's encouragement I paid up and saved his life.  As we got to know each other better I found that Napoleon Bone-Apart had a very unusual personality.  He is quite stubborn (only slightly less so than myself), and takes a firm hand.  However, he allows the kittens to eat out of his dish, until they get too bold, then he barks at them ferociously and appears to laugh (in a manner of speaking) as they run for cover.  If he lags behind during a walk and you pull on the leash, then he begins running ahead, and nearly pulls you down. 

He loves to be patted.  He guards the chicken house, and used to bark at the ducks when they waddled by or swam in his water tub.  Such an animal as this you never saw, and I am honoured to be associated with him.  (I don't own him:  Who ever heard of owning your friend!)  My special name for him is "Big Dog", and it fits him well.

This dog has become a family institution.  I have seven children, none of whom are yet in their teens; they don't always enjoy walking this strong-minded institution, but they love him.  The little boy two farms away once asked the children to come over and play, and bring their "pony".  Napoleon looked in the neighbor's window one day, and they thought it might be a polar bear that had escaped!  Napoleon does occasionally escape, and when he does he can cost me a lot of money.

Napoleon escaped a month or so ago.  He went walking down on Boat Dock Road (where he was born, I was told), and someone reported him to the Animal Shelter.  He has a microchip between his shoulders with a number that tells them I belong to Napoleon.  They sent a huge empty van to our house to tell us they had our dog.  They would give him back if we paid $50.  This is a lot of money at my house.  Of course I would have paid the ransom money for my friend; I paid a lot more than that to get him in the first place; but how would Big Dog get home? 

Both of our trucks were broken down and I was at work.  I forget how much they were going to charge to transport him (why couldn't they just bring him when they came?).  My children pooled their life-savings; money they had made carrying wood and buckets of water, cleaning house, cash saved from Xmas and Birthdays, etc. and came up with $49.  I don't know what they will do the next time, since the cost doubles each time the shelter finds the dog.  My children were so anxious to get him back they called a relative and borrowed her truck, and my little girl, Kati, held the rope through the window.  Napoleon was home by they time I got back from work and discovered that the Animal Shelter has even found him!

That is the kind of devotion Napoleon Bone-Apart inspires:  So much more than the Little Emperor of the same name ever commanded.  I was grateful to my children for rescuing my dog, and aggravated with the money-grubbing shelter for making it so difficult for them.  Isn't there something the Teaparty or the Legislature could do about this system that takes dogs and holds them for ransom.  Perhaps I shall have to write a new story, a cross between "Uncle Tom's Cabin", and "Lassie Come Home".  If Napoleon Bone-Apart Houdini, the most intelligent dog in the world escapes even a few more times it will literally take a King's Ransom to get him back home.  If this happens a dozen more times (as is likely), hopefully I will have enough children by then to raise the necessary funds.

Yours for good government and keeping government out of the doghouse!

All the best,

James Duvall, M. A.
Chief Economist, and Keeper of the Kennel
Big Bone University:  A Think Tank & Public Policy Center
"Just a Tiny Part of the BigBoneUniverse."
Big Bone, Kentucky
Nec ossa solum, sed etiam sanguinem.

P. S.  One of my children informed me, after reading this, that they actually raised all $53.  One other item that really irks me:  I got a bill in the mail for three dog licenses this month.  They charge more for our two dogs that are not neutered.  That should be against the law!  This is an attempt by the government to force me to neuter my animals, which should be my decision, not theirs.  This is the preliminary to forcing people to be neutered.  Anyone ready to help me approach the legislature get the law changed on this one?